SUICIDE!

    A middle aged woman from my neighborhood committed suicide recently, and people have been talking about this. As much as i tried not to 'care', i heard someone said something like this, "How could she have such a short-term way of thinking?" The moment i heard this, trust me, i wanted so bad to roll my eyes, but i'm just not used to it sooo yeah i didn't, but here's the thing, how can we be judgy even toward someone who's already dead? Short-term way of thinking? She might have spent days or even weeks, months, trying to work her way out of the dirt. She might have been thinking of thousands of ways to fix whatever situation she was facing. We'd never know. It's just too bad out of those thousands ways she couldn't see even a single one that would work out. She thought it was all hopeless. She was hopeless. And noone was by her side to convince her that things gonna be okay. I don't justify what she did, but i have no right to blame her, or her way of thinking. And yeah it's pointless now to rattle about this on the internet, but i believe we can always learn something from this.

1.

We're busy, for sure, dealing with our own life, but please take a moment once in awhile, to check up on our beloved ones. They might currently need a support system. Please be available for them.

2.

You hear a terrible incident, like suicide? Trust me, nothing you say matters! The least you can say is your sincere condolences. Noone needs your baseless opinions as to why and how she/he did that. You are neither a police officer nor a k-9 police dog. Go sniff your nose at Burger King, it smells better there.

3.

Suicide isn't escaping. Think about it this way, escaping is more like this; a prisoner was so frustrating spending his life in a small windowless room that smelled like his own pee, so he found a way to escape the prison by digging a tunnel, or let's say, by taking a shrinking pill. All attempts by the authorities to find him had failed so they closed the case. Meanwhile, miles away from that prison, somewhere in Maldives, he's living his best life. Now that's a beautiful escape story. You know the point is escaping is about getting out of a bad situation to a better one. Have you watched Money Heist? You see how they escape the building and ended up somewhere in Thailand or somewhere, enjoying their lives? That's what i'm talking about. Suicide doesn't take you anywhere! It just simply erases your existence. While your problem remains. What's so cool about that? You think you're free when you are no longer breathing? Well, corpses don't know the concept of freedom. Only living humans do. So the concept of ending your life to instantly buy your freedom is bogus.

If you ever had/have the thought of committing suicide, please... think of the people who love you like crazy. Or if you think you have none, maybe that's the reason why you shouldn't give up on life. Because you still need to find love, the people who love you. They are out there! They really are. Because yeah life is cruel, but God isn't. That's for sure.

Let's survive!

I Forgot My Age

As it happened, we were talking, this friend of mine and me. We were born in the same year and month. We talked about jobs and marriage and life and stuff. Then I blurted out, "Chill. We're still 23!"

And there she shot back, "Who are you kidding? We're 24 dear."

And I laughed it off. "You're dreaming. Use your calculator. You're brain is lagging."

The truth is... MY BRAIN IS LAGGING. Maybe because of this one-year-straight pandemic, I lost track of time. But she was right. I am 24. Dammit! I mean, it's something to be grateful for, I'm well aware of that... but... seriously! Why... I've heard they say TIME FLIES but I guess I never really knew what it means... Until now, when my friend's words jerked me off, back to the reality. Somehow it feels really disturbing. I guess it's because I've always thought that I was 23, and now someone just presented me the undeniable fact that I'm 24, and I feel like life has robbed a whole year from me without me noticing it. Since when did I forget to count my years on earth? 3 months ago? Long before? What about next year? Will I keep forgetting it? Because now that I think of it, I guess I know why I forgot that. I never meant to forget, but my brain chose to. 

Okaaaay let's not dwell on it, shall we?

Now that we've figured out we're 24, we've got to do something ('We' refers to me and myself, fyi). Not that we've been doing nothing this whole time. We've been doing a lot of things; working, self-upgrading, a lot of learning and stuff (which is also part of self-upgrading), and it's all good. But now we have to do something that really matters. Not that everything we've done doesn't matter (Dammit I can't keep negating my own words!). The point is, I've been doing everything as a 23-yr-old-me. Now that I realized I'm fricking 24, it's all have to be changed! For Real! Let's start with, less playing around and more seriously plan ahead. Not just plan it, but act on it.

I don't know since when I started to refer to myself in first plural personal pronoun, but let's get back to 'I', because I don't want you to think that I'm talking to my imaginary friend or something.

It feels better now that I already spit it out. Now I just need to close this page and back to the real life. Wish me luck! (I know life is NOT a wish granting factory, but c'mon! It's just what they say... WISH ME LUCK. They keep saying that before doing some things, and other will reply GOOD LUCK. I mean, whether we believe or not in luck, the expressions stick with us, so for once, just let me use that okay?!

WISH ME LUCK!

Chiao

Turbulence

I got no reason to cry, but i did it anyway. And i think i'm depressed. But like i said, there ain't no reason at all. So maybe i'm just looking for random reasons to justify that i'm depressed. I'm not. I'm just bored. And a bit lost (my definition of lost, don't decipher it your way). And much more, but not depressed. I just can't understand life, but sometimes i think that i do too well, while at the same time i realize that i don't, but because i really want to, i try too hard to understand everything, and it's just fricking frustrating. 

I need to rest. But every time i got the time to rest, i'd be (over)thinking what would i have to do after i'm done resting, which only made me restless.

I need to recharge. But idk what would i do to recharge myself, and what's the point of recharging, if you don't really have a clue what you'll do after you're fully charged. I guess i don't really trust that "we'll figure things out along the way" stuff. But anyway, it's simply because i don't trust almost everything in life. Like i don't even trust myself. God i'm so helpless lol

#imjustboreditssaturday

LET'S SEE HOW RANDOM I CAN BE

So here's the thing (let's just forget the fact that i haven't posted in forever and now i calmly act like nothing happens bcs seriously tho, nothing happens!) i'm 23 now. Oh shoot, privacy! Shouldn't have said that, but meh... the internet knows it all so whatever. And i'm gonna be 24 soon in March, there you go, my zodiac is pisces right right (no, i don't take that zodiac thing seriously...i'm just bored, as i've always been). So far you can see that i really have nothing to say... i'm just... bored...like i said. 

Anyway, how much do you think the internet knows about you?

It's fricking annoying when you search your name on google and you can see all your social media accounts pop up like privacy is just a meaningless word exists in Oxford dictionary to make it looks a bit more sophisticated. To make matter worse, when you see the accounts that you created long looong ago - when you were so stupidly optimistic that one day you gonna marry that random pop star you once worshiped solemnly like the ancient Greek worshiped Zeus - and no matter how much you want to terminate that stupid account you just can't because you forget all the information required to log back in, so you just hold your breath, and read through everything while cursing and calming yourself down at the same time. USELESS. IM TALKING ABOUT MY OLD TWITTER ACCOUNT pft 

Let's just forget about the internet thing because it's scary. Seriously. But hold on, is there a single person on earth who can control the internet. I'm talking about control as in FULL CONTROL, not just FULL ACCESS. Maybe there is (are?). Which makes it scarier. But i don't know which one is scarier, that no one can fully control the internet - which means this technology advancement is getting way ahead of human civilization (well, it's interconnected actually, maybe i put it wrong but you know what i mean) - or there are people who can fully control the internet. Personally i think the later is the scarier. Simply because i don't trust humans. But i can't say that the first option is less scary.

FINE. LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

Here's the thing (am i repeating myself? don't blame me...i don't write with draft or even outline), it's 2021 now. And the COVID-19 pandemic is still roaring loudly, taking souls every minute every day. And also, there are natural disasters; flood, volcanos, earthquakes, etc etc like universe, what the fuck bro! Are you bored tooo, just like me?

Okay let's just drop it. Talking about what's happening right now in this world makes me like a hypocrite hermit because seriously tho, i don't care (or maybe i just try not to care too much).

Maybe i should put this in the trash and go back to the phone instead because i have 999+ unread messages on WhatsApp to respond to. Not to brag, it's not something to be proud of. Elon Musk probably has only less than 10 unread messages on his WhatsApp right now and obviously his bank account is way more .... (fill in the blank) than mine. That 999+ only shows how pathetic i am. Because i'm bored. And i have a truck load of texts waiting to be replied. It's like standing in the crowd and feeling lonely AF. Okay maybe i'm exaggerating but that's kinda what i feel.

Hpufftt like someone would understand..duhh... I know there're lots of people out there standing in my shoes, but i mean, at this particular moment, writing all this down is kinda stupid. Because what do you expect? What do i expect? Right...spending time. I'm waiting for my beauty mask to dry and that's it. TIME'S UP!

flnmcpojmw;io9isnsmcfrpwmricks4mncrmcpwrkmcri34urjcmnap;rkfqnmmd,f;afknms;cmnjf

(that's not a secret code for a secret vault...i'm just bored) 

Anyway why do they make this computer keyboard arrangement like this? I mean not alphabetically (the numbers are from 1 - 10, in its perfect order), but qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm? Who came up with this idea?

Okay i really need to stop this...the mask needs to be peeled off geeezz

Mangrove Forest - and green water paranoia

Sooooooo

Now you see how moody I am. I was so excited to write a blog when I first created this undoubtedly-unimportant blog two years ago (i reread my first post and really...really... i wanna throw up).

But theeeeeeen, after two posts, my excitement seemed to crawl out of my body and soul somehow, so this undoubtedly-pathetic blog was left uncared (this blog has the same fate with the flowers that i ever planted). A year after I gave birth to this blog, I came back with a story about a crazy monkey, then I disappeared again for almost a year. 

I'm writing this now because of (no, my excitement hasn't crawled back) being motivated.

So recently I love to watch motivational and inspirational videos on youtube (coz i thought i was so unmotivated that i might end up commit suicide once my parents stop funding me) and i came across a video, there's a middle-aged woman (crap! i forgot her name) talking about 'window' and stuff. She said everyone has 5 seconds to transform knowledge into action. Within these five seconds, the window that allows us to jump from knowledge to action is open. Take a quick move! OR your motivation will go into waste. This concept has successfully made me wake up early for the past three days (Do i hear clapping? :D) Whenever i feel like waking up, i just jump out of bed, NO SNOOZING.

This morning, I was reading a fiction book of Paulo Coelho entitled  The Winner Stands Alone (have you read this? mind to share your review? okay nevermind) and after I finished a chapter, my mood started to crawl somewhere, so i started to think about doing something else. BLOG! Yes... I have a blog (3 blogs honestly) and I completely forgot about it for awhile. Should I write a post? Should I? About what? and my mind was like telling me, 'okay i open a window for u to jump in five, four, three...' so i was like, Fine I'll do it!

So here I am! Fully motivated yet don't know what to write about... LoL

(after i typed LoL, i opened my photo gallery looking for some inspiration and i suddenly knew what to share. That's when i changed the tittle of this post from 'crap... just write!' to 'Mangrove Forest'.)

During the process of writing my thesis, i took quite a lot of trips to some places nearby that i had never visited before. I know it's ridiculous. I mean, even in vacation, i don't usually go anywhere. I love my bed, my pillow, my books, my pc, everything about my room and the smell of it. But when i was writing my thesis, my brain kept shouting the holy chant 'trip! trip! trip! go out! go out! out!

So every other day (maybe everyday), after I submitted the after-revised thesis to the supervisor, i went out with my partner in trip. I guess i refered to her on the previous post as BBF. We're no longer BBF (I guess), coz now i'm quite close to her other protective bestfriends. They'r incredibly nice actually- with different n unique personality. I'll talk about them on next post.

One of the place that we visited was Mangrove Forest. It's not really far from my house, less then an hour ride. I'd never been there before though it isn't far. 

Mangrove Forest is a quite popular destination in NTT actually. I've seen lots of my friends posted their photos on facebook in this place.

To be there and breathe the fresh air was way greater than seeing the beauty of it through others' shot. 

It's beautiful! Soooo nature! 

We walked on the wooden bridge, surrounded by mangrove everywhere, bellow the bridge was kinda-green-water... Pardon my lame description. 

I mean, the bridge starts from the seashore to the sea... but as long as you can see the mangroves, the water is green until you're no longer see the green leaves and only the ocean, that's when you'll have the clear vision of the blue sea, blue sky, and the high mountain on the other side of the sea.

There're some water cottages you can use to take a rest before continue walking along the bridge. (I dont know since when i change the personal pronoun from I/we to you... God, i so suck at this).

So here are some pics of me... I hope the pics can give you a clearer view about Mangrove Forest 😁

See the water? I was actually a bit paranoid by the water. What if there're crocodiles down there? What if my phone fall down? and lots of What ifs... ikr

Now you know why there're lots pics of me. I have my own photographer ^_^

The one acting like going to fly with the help of a jacket is my lil sister.

Though there's an unpaid-photographer, selfie must go on ^_^

My version of  Yoga LoL

Now this is the end of the long bridge. Some kids jump down the sea to swim around. Legends don't swim LMFAO

 

So that's it! Hope you enjoy the tour (and my junk thought) and let's hope that i'll stay motivated to write the next post soon (and i i hope i don't give a new definition of 'soon').  

Let's stay inspired and motivated!

Well Planned Trip

Hellooooo Doobiiiess......

I'm back now... after a year heheheehe

I know, I know... you might be thinking "this lazy girl... it'd be better if u didn't write blog at the first place... waiting for your post is like waiting for rain in the summer"  and for that... I really am sorry. Anyway, to be honest, Iam 100% sure there's nobody out there waiting for my post.. not even read it. soooooo I'm free from feeling guilty. I was just made it up... make it sounds like i'm having thousands of loyal readers haha who cares.. screw it! I write so I can read it later for myself. I'm a very big fan of myself....oh and Greyson Chance too

Ok... Let's drop the chit chat

sooooooo now I wanna share to you all my trip with my Backstreet Bestfriend couple days ago (30,31 oct). What? You wanna know why I call her BBf? It might take 12 hours to explain, but ok let me just give the short version. So,,, Her name is Feby. Actually I wanna kinda censor her name like F*** but I know you have a dirty mind so I didn't do it. 

Next! Feby has 3 bestfriends from her class and they are incredibly possessive, if you know what I mean. It's like they put a tag on Feby's forehead written "She is ours... not for share... Thanks!" haha I know it's quite normal. Girls are like that. They hate to see their beloved ones get together with someone else. Because of this... whenever Feby and I were out somewhere, we made sure that they wont find out. It's indeed radicilous. I mean, Feby and I are just 2 girls share lots of things in common. That's why we feel comfortable each other, and that's why even in the different classes we often hang out together. I don't mind going out with those three too, but Feby says hell no, it wont work.

So I guess you can figure it out where the hell that term BBf comes from.

Anyway... let's get back to the trip ^^

Monday morning (actually I wasn't feeling good that day.. but I took the meds and prepared to go) Feby came to my dorm with her little brother (she said he's her bodyguard..her mom wont allow her going anywhere without him :D). I packed my bag and we went to King Mart to buy some snacks. My trip expectation was to get rid of some calories yet we still prioritize the snacks haha (Girls will be girls)

Our destination was a place named Batu Putih, miles away from town. After 2 hours on bus, we finally got there.  Uh uh not yet, 4 km to go, and I insisted to walk. I thought it was near. Hell! We had been walking for hours but it seemed like our destination was still faaaar away. Feby was so upset and the look on her face was like "it's all your fault... if you don't insist to walk, then we're already in the inn right now.. scretching out feet and taking nap" hahaa Com'on... trip expectation was to loose calories,, so hell yes we had to walk.

Let me just make it short, because honestly, Im kinda loosing my mood to write again :p

We arrived at Feby's relatives' house at Batu Putih (after a very long walk of course), we had lunch and after taking a break for 2 hours, then we began our adventure to some beautiful spots. It was awesome. The scenery, the landscape, the journey, the story, the selfies :D they are all awesome.

We went back home the next day, at 3 pm. Feby brought home a box full of mangoes :D

Here are some pictures of our trip

Im with those purple shoes^^

It's me who took the selfie ^^

Me with my fellow cows :D

Cool huh? I mean the landscape :D

 It was an amazing trip, despite the sick I brought home :D  I'm good now anyway, after took 13 pills of paracetamol in 5 days straight. Well, the trip worth it.

Second post : Crazy Monkey... Damn YOu!!

Hellloww Doobiesss
what'z up?!

The first experience i want to share to all of you guys happened last year,, on December 28th exactly. I was spending my christmas holiday just at home (as always) when my friend asked me to go out with some of my classmates. Actually I didn't want to 'coz I was just  getting better from sick..but..... I thought going out for some fresh air might not be a bad idea so I decided to go.

It was 'Gua Monyet' that we chose to visit. We were bored to go to the beach so we picked a totally different place than usual. Alright, let's get back to "Gua Monyet". The place was named Gua Monyet 'coz there are many monkeys living inside the cave (Monyet means monkeys). It's not like common caves you've ever seen. Just some holes of mountain coral-stone which are look like caves (I don't know what im saying. Just picture any cave you like LOL)

Before getting there, we stopped by at a snack bar to buy some snacks for us and for the monkeys, of course. We were told that if we go there without bringing snacks or something to eat, the monkeys will get angry and carry away our belongings. That's why we prepared everything well 'coz we didn't want they stole our bag or HP into their caves :D LoL

Right after we were there, one by one monkeys were coming out from the cave and looking at  us. We fed them the snacks. They were so tame that you don't have to be afraid that your hands will be eaten/bitten/chewed by them. I gave them food in my hand and they ate that, not my hand but the food certainly  :v

       (It's me :) feeding the monkey)

The crazy thing was,, even I've fed them, they still stole my own belonging. My Coca-Cola. Yeahh one of the monkeys ( I bet he was the worst/naughtiest one) grabbed the coca-cola from my hand. I only had a sip (Damn Monkey) ..

Look! looks like he enjoyed the cola so much.. my coca-cola :( 

I promise one day if I come back here I will bring a bottle of whiskey,, A special gift for this one brat (The coca-cola monkey).

And not only my coca-cola.. a bottle of mineral water (AQUA) was also stolen by one of them (maybe the best friend of that one which has stolen my coca-cola :D). Since the bottle couldn't be opened, he tore the bottle using his teeth till the water came out and he drank it up.

I was wondering,, Do monkeys eat and drink everything we eat and drink? after coca-cola, AQUA,  what's next? Coffee? Tea? duhh

By the way, that was one of many nice experience i've ever had (however the monkeys were not all nice) :D

The thing that  has been stuck in my mind is,, is that kind of place will still exist in this modern n global world? Let's say a decade from now... How long till the place be changed to hotels or any factory buildings?  Will the monkeys survive? Or will they have the same fate as the great dinosaurs?

About Me_First post : Introduction

Hello Doobies!!!
It's Ruth here. Nice to meet you :)

Alright, as it is written in my blog description "it's the story of my life" which definitely means that this blog's gonna be contained every story of mine, based on my own experience and daily life. You might be thinking that this blog sucks. Of course, nowadays many people post important things on their blogs such as updated news, tutorial, school material, and so on. It's cool and useful. I do like reading those kind of blogs for they can make me become a little smarter ( A LITTLE ^_^). 

However, I think writing this kind of blog (like this) is not really bad, honestly. I just wanna share my crazy-happy-funny and maybe there're also bad-sad stories about me and my life. My mom always says that don't keep all feelings in your heart and don't keep all thoughts in your brain. Sometimes you need to say out loud what you think, there's always someone out there willing to hear you.

So.. I write this blog and expect that there's someone out there willing to hear me (LIE! I'm just bored). Besides, I wanna improve my English. I'm a second-year university student majoring English. Writing a lot can make my English better (my lecturer said that), that's why I'm trying to get used to writing a blog in English. Anyway I'm still an Indonesian, so if you wanna say something to me in Indonesia, it doesn't matter (Lol as if anyone would) oo yeaa and please correct me if you find some errors in my writing (Idc if you don't tho. I'll be back here years later, reading this ill-grammar blog and laugh at my idiocy).

Okay, let's get back to the point, Introduction. My name is Ruth ( I know i have mentioned, don't complain), but my friends call me Uthe, anyway i think Ecen is better. I was born on Bali, March 11th 1997 (so complete). I'm a single daughter in my family and only have an older brother (we are ten years apart O_o ).. I love reading any kind of book especially fiction novel like Harry Potter, detective nove like Agatha Christie's, and Conspiration novel like The Da Vinci Code and the like. I love writing especially writing poem. I do like painting and drawing. I like playing the guitar and I really want to be able to play piano too. I enjoy singing out loud when it rains a lot. I love chocolate. well I think I can't explain everything that I like :d To make it simple, I am interested in art, music, science and many other scope except sport.

What else???  I'm an animal lover. I remember when I was 9 I watched a movie, it was about a whale shark (wait, a whale or a shark? anyway... it's a giant fish) who died for her child. I watched the shark being caught by the damn pirates, it stuck in the net and finally, the heroic mommy shark died. This movie made my pillow wet all night, and I was buried in sadness for almost two weeks. Just because a fiction movie! My dad said that animal lover is not the right phrase to describe me.. so what's the right phrase? Animal maniac? LMFAO

Well, dooby, I think I'm running out of idea. It's the most difficult part when i have to explain about who I am. Okay, let  see 'me' from my friends perspective. They said that I'm a nerd. The weird one. When they asked me 'what you've been thinking?' my answer was 'I've been thinking about this universe' so what? Is it weird to think about the universe? when I told them what i know about Einstain Relativity, they looked at me as if I was an Alien. When we discussed about global warming, I said the production of CO2 can't be decreased nowadays (just think about it), so the world (humans) have to figure out how to change it to other harmless or even useful gases. They all looked at me as if i was the visible CO2. When they saw me read, studied and wrote, they would raise their eyebrow and said 'how can you do that all the time?' on the other side, when I saw them sitting in group and just talking shits,i was wondering 'how can they do that till hours?' 

It makes me thinking all the time, between me and my friends, who's the weird one?

By the way, do not ever think that I'm a studyholic. Heck i'm not! I just love to discover new things and 'weird things'. I read and write just for fun. The same as I play Minesweeper or Chess (those are my favourite games) on PC, just for fun. I'm that kinda person who would play games on exam nights and read a lot in holidays (just follow what the mood wants).

Because I'm a weird+daydreamer, my life is full of weird things. And all of those things, i don't want to keep just for myself. I wanna share them to anybody out there who wants to hear me (LIE! I just love to write about my quirkyness (wait what?) so i could read again later and see how weird i am/i have been/i was).

Thank you for hearing me! (I prefer to use the word 'hear' than 'read' because it's none of your business)

Next post about my experience and daily life will be updated soon !!

See ya Doobies

RE-About Me_First post: Introduction

Dear the 19(or something)-year-old Ruth,

This is ridiculous. Everything you wrote about yourself is ridiculous! 

I mean, first off, you mention your real name at the beginning, which is such a stupid thing to do. If you wanted to write a stupid blog, make it anonymous! But not mentioning your real name kind of useless considering the fact that you link this blog to your personal google account, GREAT! You also spill the details of your place and date of birth, like why don't you just upload the copy of your National ID Card? (I'm being sarcastic if you can't figure it out already).

Second off, who do you call doobies? The readers? For real tho! Can't you be more hilarious than that? forshakespear'sbeard! I hate you!

Third off, are you sure your friends called you a nerd and the weird one? Or was it just the tag you put on yourself? Did they say that directly to your face or you just prejudiced things? Also, when your friends asked you what you were doing, how did you respond to them again? Telling them that you were busy thinking about this universe? Did you mean it for real, or were you just being sarcastic? Because nobody in their right mind would ever, ever, say that! Even though, let's say, you were at that time thinking about the universe (I know how random your brain can process things within the span of 12 seconds), you were not supposed to be that bluntly honest to your friends. Not everyone wants to know what you're thinking! Sometimes they just ask you things for the sake of being polite, not because they care! Be more socially aware, kid. I wouldn't blame them for calling you weird if this is the case.

Also, don't be a snob by accusing your friends that what they were talking about for hours in groups is shitty or useless or whatever. They were socializing, unlike you! At some point, for a certain period of time, you should've dropped your precious agenda thinking about the universe, and joined them in their group chat. That was the important thing you missed out during your college year, and guess what, you can't turn back the time now, can you? I guess you did have some chit chat time with your friends back then, no doubt. But you can't deny, that's the aspect you lack on. Like let's be honest, how much time you spent for that (compares to busy being a nerd) and how genuine were you when you indulged in socializing stuff? See? Now you can't answer that. Not because you don't know the answer, but because you know it TOO WELL. Eh

Alright, I'm not here to blame you any further. In fact, I'm not here to blame you at all, let alone to judge you. I just feel like I need to tell you this, so here I go.

My advice is, be better, holistically. In every aspect of life. What do I mean with this? Well it's your job to figure out.

Lots of Love

Ur24.Version